I get some questions on how I feed my kids and what I do and don’t let them have. So, I’ve written a short novel about my mothering history and how my views on feeding kids has evolved:
When my daughter was born 5.5 years ago, I entered into motherhood determined to feed my child only the best. I breastfeed exclusively. I made my own baby food. After my 6 month maternity leave, I went back to work part-time and my daughter went to a day care for 3 days a week. I packed all her meals and snacks faithfully. I left explicit instructions that she was not to have juice. I pumped at work so she could remain exclusively breastfeed.
Although I didn’t fully appreciate it at the time, I was also blessed with a child who had a broad palate and very few food issues. Most of what I offered, she ate. She liked a variety of fruits and vegetables and did not have food texture or temperature issues like some children. In short, she was a pretty easy eater.
avocado aftermath – 2007
My son was born when my daughter was around 2.5 and I became a stay -home mom. While going from zero to one kid was way harder, going from one to two took some adjusting too. I had to relinquish some of the control I had exerted over my daughter’s diet in order to free up time for my new baby (and myself). There were some fast food meals. There were lollipops at the grocery store so she’d stay occupied while I quickly shopped with a sleeping newborn in a sling. Skittles were quite handy while potty training.
orange + overalls – 2008
My son is a much different eater than his sister. He likes a smaller selection of fruits and vegetables and, if given the choice, will choose pretzels over apples and french fries over carrots. He is more stubborn about trying new foods and changes his likes and dislikes abruptly. I wouldn’t characterize him a difficult eater, as I’ve seen much worse, but he is not an easy eater.
marinara mess – 2009
Like most mothers of more than one, I learned that what works for one child often does not work for the second. That would be much too easy. I also was humbled in thinking that a child’s food preferences are a pure reflection of how their mother’s feed them. I felt pretty good as my daughter munched on raw peppers and tomatoes at birthday parties, earning shocked stares from the other moms. Along comes my buddy boy who stays parked at the chip bowl at birthday parties until I shoo him away. Same mom, same breastfeeding, same emphasis on fruits and veggies at home, yet different palates and preferences.
When my little guy was 13 months and my daughter was 3, I had to re-join the workforce and this time it was full time. We were in a tough spot (very long story, here and here is a bit of it from my family blog) and part-time was not an option. It was hard. Really hard. They both were in day care for 8-9 hours a day, 5 days a week. My husband and I were both working a lot and I started having to travel quite a bit too. At this point my control over my kid’s diet changed drastically. I did what I could: I kept breastfeeding my little guy, I sent in homemade whole wheat ‘cookie’s’ for their snacks and tried to make healthy dinners. The day care center required that all kids eat the day-care provided meals, so my kids started eating mass-produced, typical school-lunch meals like grilled cheese, chicken nuggets and hamburgers 5 days a week. I didn’t like it, but I liked everything else about the day care center and, quite honestly, did not have the luxury of finding a child care situation that allowed for more control over their meals. I also hated that my kids were out of my care for so much time, but that is a topic for a whole other blog post. Working away from home, especially full time, was really hard for me.
It was during this time that I had to learn to focus on what I could reasonably do in one day. I had to prioritize what little time I had with my children and I choose to spend it with them, rather than preparing time-intensive meals. I had only 2-3 hours a day with them and I wanted to be in their presence rather than in the kitchen. So, we ate a lot of pasta, scrambled eggs, bean burritos and quick veggie soups. It wasn’t ideal, but it was the best I could do.
And, you know what? We were mostly fine. My kids didn’t become overweight and sedentary. Their energy levels stayed (very) high. They were pretty healthy. They were eating school lunches and we were eating 2-3 ingredient dinners that were certainly not going to make the cover of Healthy Family Cooking and we did okay. Once again, not ideal, but it worked.
About 6 months later, my husband was offered a new job in a new city and we jumped at it. I left my job after a whopping 6 months (won’t be using that job on my resume…..), we moved 5 hours away and I went back to staying home. I had a whole different attitude, a complete appreciation for being home with my children. I was (and still am) finally able to do the art projects, visit the library, play Candy Land and, most applicable to this blog, spend much more time in the kitchen. I have much more time to spend planning and preparing meals, as well as (too much?) time to consider my opinions on feeding my children.
Which leads me to my current view of feeding my children. I will first say that, beyond soda, there is no food that is 100% off limits. Cue the shocked blog readers…..
Cupcake Picnic – 2010
I figure that I control a good 75% of what my kids eat. The majority of their meals are eaten either at home or are packed by me. The meals I make are very fruit and vegetable heavy, contain whole grains, have real ingredients, are meatless and tend to have minimal dairy and eggs. To be clear, my kids don’t eat everything I cook, but, on the nights they don’t like the dinner, they are free to fill up on the fruit and vegetable sides and can eat nuts and Cheerios. That is the compromise that allows for them to have some control over their dinners and allows me not to get up and cook a second meal. A short order cook I am not.
Edward RaspberryHands – 2010
The other 25% of their diet comes from pre-school and church snacks, occasional meals eaten at friend’s houses, birthday/holiday party foods and meals eaten at restaurants (including fast food). That 25% is typically not fruit and veggie-centric, whole grain, meatless or dairy-free and may very well contain artificial ingredients. They are not ideal foods or even healthy foods. I choose not to stress about those foods.
For example, this week we will very likely head to an Easter Egg hunt at our church. The kid’s will get to run and giggle with their sweet friends and pick up eggs. They will have a blast. They will also get to choose 2-3 pieces of candy to eat, candy that is likely composed of sugar (maybe even corn syrup) artificial colors and other junk. They will eat it happily. The rest will go in the trash. They will come home to eat a healthy, well-balanced lunch and, later, dinner. They will have eaten a healthy breakfast. I think the enjoyment they will get out of the egg hunting and the fun of sitting with your friends and looking at your candy loot is worth the 150-ish worthless calories.
They were smiling because they can’t read yet.
Another example: last week my daughter went to a birthday party of one of her best friends. They ate bagged popcorn (which has too much salt, artificial colors and probably popped in GMO heavy-vegetable oil), birthday cake (full of sugar, emulsifiers, white flour and artificial colors and flavor) frosted with very clearly artificially colored frosting and ice cream (non-organic milk, too much sugar, stabilizers and preservatives) and drank fruit punch that had nary a fruit. She had a blast. I would not have her miss her dear friend’s party and the fun memories she made for the sake of avoiding bad for her foods.
Life is more than food. There is more to mothering than feeding your children. I am passionate about healthy foods and work very hard on feeding my children well. I am equally passionate about raising kids that are kind, compassionate, open-minded, curious and considerate. I find that the I sometimes worry too much about their diet and not enough about their minds and emotions. I have to watch to not get so focused on their foods, something I can mostly control, out of fear over the areas in which I have less control.
Snacktime atop the coffee table – 2011
I also have learned to extend grace to myself. While I have significantly more time to devote to my family’s meals, I don’t want to spend more time thinking about and preparing their meals than I spend being present with my children. I struggle with this, as there are days I enjoy the cooking part of my day more than the mothering part of my day (food does not talk back, hit it’s sibling or whine). I don’t want my kids to look back and remember me spending more time focusing on food than them. I also do not want to run myself ragged trying to pack healthy meals and snacks for every single outing, every event and not allow for the occasional store-bought birthday cake or, like yesterday, the stop at McDonalds for ice cream after a day at the park.
I think we all had those friends growing up, the ones who, once out of their parent’s control, gorged themselves on soda, chips and candy. I don’t want that to be my kids. I hope that by letting my kids have small amounts of junk food, I will take away some of it’s allure. It will not be viewed as a forbidden food that they must sneak. I want them to learn that good food makes you feel good and stay healthy, but there is absolutely room for some ball-park nachos or Valentine’s Day chocolates.
So, if you see us at the Tex-Mex restaurant we tend to visit on Sundays, don’t be shocked if you see my kids making a meal out of chips, tortillas and refried beans. My husband and I will be enjoying both the veggie fajitas and knowing that we get a break from dishwashing.
Wow – this post is long. There are so many issues I haven’t touched on, but I think I’ll end this. If you are still reading, thank you. Honestly. I’d love to hear your feedback and opinions.
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